


let me dream

by kuude_rest



Series: Saimota for my sad, sad soul. [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Crying, Crying Saihara Shuichi, Dreams, I Have No Clue How Else to Tag This, I hate myself for this but it was self indulgent, I'm putting this as a rarepair bc i don't rly see a lot of saimota, Love Suite, Love Suite AU, M/M, Oneshot, Rarepair, Suffering, guilty feelings, like bois its canon i'll fight u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuude_rest/pseuds/kuude_rest
Summary: He’s doubting himself again, because that’s the only thing he knows what to do; he can’t do it alone, he’s not strong enough, not smart enough to reveal the truth -





	let me dream

**Author's Note:**

> this is so self indulgent i'm sorry i was sad

Shuichi blinked. He’s in a dream again - and he knows it; but he didn’t expect to see Kaito there - didn’t expect to have him glaring angrily at him with that intense gaze that Kaito often adorned whenever Shuichi had done something ‘ _ wrong’ _ . 

“ _ Damn it, _ Shuichi!” 

He’s furious, pacing around the room - which Shuichi notices is gaudily adorned, a large bed sat in the middle of it.

Shuichi blinks again, redirecting his view to his feet, feeling shame pour into him immediately - though why he feels guilt he’s unsure; perhaps it’s because he’s made Kaito angry and he doesn’t know why, or what to do it make it better.

“I know Kaede was important to you -“

His chest tightens as he says this. He’s being reprimanded - reprimanded for grieving. Shuichi knows why though. His grief isn’t  _ healthy _ . He’s doubting himself again, because that’s the only thing he knows what to do; he can’t do it alone, he’s not strong enough, not  _ smart _ enough to reveal the  _ truth  _ \- 

He couldn’t keep her alive. Her blood was on his hands and he would forever feel responsible for that. 

“But we’re here for you now! ... _ I’m _ … Here for you.”

Kaito’s drawn in close, standing in front of Shuichi, though he can’t bring himself to look up. Shuichi can feel his eyes starting to water - he can’t help it, because Kaito is still being supportive when he doesn’t  _ deserve _ it - when he’s  _ murdered  _ Kaede with his own two hands. 

“So please take off that dumb hat - and let me  _ help you _ .” 

The boy’s hands are gentle as he reaches for the other’s hat, pulling it away from Shuichi’s head. For some reason, the world seems a little brighter as he does so; and Shuichi lets his gaze flicker up to Kaito’s. His face is full of concern, but he cares, he cares and that’s all that Shuichi needs. 

“Please don’t cry.” He reaches down and rubs his thumbs over his cheeks, “I’m here for you, yeah?” Shuichi lets his eyes flutter closed. “So please… Rely on me.”

They stand there for a while, in the silence, as Kaito rubs circles into Shuichi’s back. He’s not sure how - or why - but Kaito always seemed to know how to cheer him up. Even when he doesn’t know he needs it; whether that was just by being around him, or by encouraging him to engage in something - anything - to take his mind off of whatever was troubling. 

And so there he was again, hat discarded to the floor, curled up against Kaito. Perhaps if he were in a better state of mind he’d be mortified, disgusted at himself for even allowing himself to shed tears in front of kaito again. But he knew that right now, he needed it - that it was okay to display some form of weakness, as long as he didn’t let himself dwell on it. As long as he came out on the other side eventually. But for now, it was okay. It was okay for Shuichi to let himself melt in his friend’s arms, to let himself fall completely, just this once. 

“I killed her.” He mumbles into his chest. “I killed her, and now I have to watch my friends die, too. Now I have to - now I have to solve the murders of my friends, because it’s the only thing I can do - I can’t - I can’t do anything but help when they’re already  _ dead _ .” Shuichi keeps talking, because he needs the words to come out, because he needs to get the word vomit out of his head before he internalizes it all and it poisons him, even though he can feel the sharp inhale of Kaito as he speaks. “I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it, and everyone is dying - and I can’t - I can’t lose anyone anymore. I can’t keep losing them. I can’t lose you, Kaito. I can’t lose  _ you _ .” 

“You won’t lose me, Shuichi.”

He lifts up his head, and meets his gaze. Kaito’s eyes are filled melancholy, an expression that Shuichi never wanted to see on Kaito’s face. 

“I’m always going to be here for you. No matter what. So please - don’t ever pull yourself down. Your burdens are mine, too, Shuichi. And I don’t want to see you suffer. I never want to see you suffer, Shuichi.”

His voice is quiet as he leans down, looking at Shuichi with intense thought in his eyes. “You’re not a murderer. And you never will be.”

“Kaito  _ I _ -”

He doesn’t get a chance to speak before Kaito’s kissing him. It’s bittersweet, because as Shuichi registers Kaito’s lips on his, he also realizes that Kaito’s crying too. He lets himself fall - again, he lets himself kiss him back, clutching at his jacket feverently. 

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, there’s a small part of him telling him that this isn’t kiss isn’t the start of things. That this kiss is a goodbye - that this kiss, the kiss that Shuichi had longed for, was their first and their last. 

When Kaito pulls away, slowly, regrettably, he’s still crying. 

“Don’t ever forget that, yeah? I’ll always be here.” Kaito’s hand guides Shuichi’s own to his heart. “So don’t let… This be the end of you.”

“I’ll always be here.”

Shuichi blinks, and all of a sudden he’s awake. His face is wet, and his hand is still clutching his chest - still clutching the spot where Kaito had left his hand in. 

“You liar.” He whispered to himself. “You’re dead, too.”


End file.
